This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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