hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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