the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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