Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
