Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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