It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
pray to the hookup gods
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
God, I missed his penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
