I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
