Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
