Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
