The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
