you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
