so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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