Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
