what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
