I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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