i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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