does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
