we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
