I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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