You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
