hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
