: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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