and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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