Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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