i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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