Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
