I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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