Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
