Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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