i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
