Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
