After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
