omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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