you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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