Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
