I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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