Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
