He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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