new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
