I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
