its not stalking. its research.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
