i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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