Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
