And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
