Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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