Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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