A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
