I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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