id be glad to
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
