evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
