just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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